ending the second week into school soon; my head is a jumble. Scared, really scared but of what exactly i’m not sure. its all good when i’m with people but once i enter my room it messes a little. scared of the work to an extent, although some of it can be pretty interesting.
scared that i don’t fit in, i think that’s the biggest fear really. the fear of missing out, the fear that i’m not social enough or don’t know enough people or those who matter, its like the popularity game is catching up to me. but ok really, what do i have to lose or gain? rationally. gain; it helps because this is my batch, my batchmates and living in utown technically we’re all around the same area. a bit same for usp, fear that i’ll ghost. i think i fear that they’ll talk behind my back, regardless if law or usp. not that close to my suitemates too, but i think that’ll take time. feeling more hopeful about that after the meet the neighbours session on tuesday. 🙂
grateful for my new friends who talk to me and who i can count on. they keep me happy and sane. the girls of usp; mel, shu even, Audrey, jean.. And the usp guys, kaiser and sri, the latter in particular these few days. Darren. for sure, def, darren. law; the girls from rag: fiona liz hj, thankful. havent talked that much to them but when we do its always damn chill and fun and i love it. the guys, particularly valen and ky. the latter sometimes i worry and get jealous over, but aiya don’t be possessive over friendship luh. valen, for texting and talking each day and keeping me sane and listening to me rant or talk cock. for the company around school, essentially being my law buddy. bogeng, he’s so busy oh goodness but really great, thankful for his presence when i break down he listens and he spends so much time on my and i’m so grateful. and he gives marvelous hugs. amazing.
honestly sometimes i procrastinate because i don’t wanna touch work. i mean duh. no link but so grateful for D and how he puts up with my shit, me calling him over (or the other way) every once in awhile.. the (platonic) cuddle sessions are really amazing, i love them so much.. i also like how its completely platonic, or at least i don’t ever feel that there is ever more than that. i really owe him a lot, these sessions have kept me my sanity many times. it feels very comforting, and its just lovely i guess. i won’t say that i crave them but i enjoy them greatly and i look forward to them.
get through things one day at a time. it will get better.