I sometimes think of writing. But I don’t know what to say. This blog has slowly morphed from my thoughts only to me talking to you.. And apart from not knowing what else to say.. I don’t know if I should say anything. My feelings sway so much, and I don’t have any idea how you’re feeling. Most of our conversations thus far after my birthday have been about some issue that you’re facing. I feel.. blank. At night I miss you so much, in the day I think of you sometimes. But many times I’m also unhappy, don’t know if we should go on. Or not. I shan’t bring this up here.

I need to get back into my heck it all mood before. Where I would purposely avoid thinking about you, us, too deeply in order to stop my mind from running. You brought up that topic 2 days ago and my mind is spinning with thoughts. I need to shut it up. I’m a slight mess, the only saving grace is when I’m with people so I can focus on them instead.

I don’t know if you’ll read this, or if you will. I also don’t know how much I should say.

I quite wish this was all okay. Either yes or no. I wish we were happy. Were we happy? Despite fighting so often? idk. But I wish w were happy. I need to stop here. My mind is going crazy.

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