In a way I do hope that you’ll feel regret when you leave for not appreciating me more. Because that lets me feel better, in some twisted way. I agree with the theory of you being further during exam periods and stuff.. But there’s still a part of me that’s slightly resentful of how much i care for you and try to make you happy.. Whilst many times you barely do the same. Sometimes i wish i could care for you less, because in that way perhaps it would hurt less when you fail to have me in mind. But i can’t. If i love or care i do with all i have, and especially so with a romantic partner. Currently, and for the most part of this year, i want more from you. More care, more of you thinking for my benefit and just putting in effort to make me happy. Not just these specifically, but more of an overall package. More.. Selflessness. More effort. But i don’t know if its allowed of me to ask that from you.

 

I love you but sometimes there are droughts.. And it trickles in seasonal streams. Good times are amazing and i can’t love you enough. Bad times make me doubt myself and run us down.

 

Now i know how my grandmother feels sometimes.. It does feel bad.

 

 

//

 

On a calmer note now. Less emotions but still the same feeling of I’m not sure, dissatisfaction? Idk exactly. Unhappiness. I’m okay sometimes, usually when I’m around people. But when I’m alone i fall back. And I wish you were here to listen and calm and soothe me like i did to you the past year.. But you’re busy and having fun. Can’t blame you for that i guess. Its good too that you’re going out with your old friends. I’m happy for that, even if it may seem not. This will likely be a recurring issue until some changes are seen. Its not good to keep it in but I’ll try to..

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i wanna feel pampered too

 

 

We need to mature. Not just you but also me.

 

 

Am I back to the depressive streak again

sometimes I think that I’ll miss you whilst you happily go around having fun with your family (though of course its good that you’re with your family again lol. I guess its just the fear/feeling that I’ll miss you while you barely have time for me because of so many activities going on. Isn’t a nice feeling, though its also just insecurity I guess. Oh well. Its just up to me to fill my days up well.)

 

hope it’ll be good. Sometimes I’m excited for the coming freedom but other times I feel insecure. such joys ahah

Can we please??

dintaifung-pork-xiao-long-bao

Hi babe!! One day after As could we go to Din Tai Fung please? Its Chinese cuisine I know but omg I really want to let you try some.  xiaolongbao (Small Dragon Buns lol) (ie soup dumplings) are like, one of my favourite dishes ever and they’re really well known for good XLB. We’ll get the chicken one, not the pork don’t worry! I usually get the classic pork so idk how the chicken is but ahhh idm eating the chicken just so you can eat stuff too hehe :))

Or if its too ex we can go find a smaller less expensive place but yes!! We can get the fried rice and 10pc chicken XLB hehe :)) I hope the chicken is niceeee and I hope you like it hahaha but let’s see. Sosososo can? 🙂

 

(AND BTW. I know you definitely can and will do well for Physics and Hgeog. Somewhere inside I think you know it too.)