honestly quite lucky to have someone in my life, by my side. reading the dayre of tieponytail and her entries recently have shifted to one of fondness and love for her husband.. Not that it wasn’t before, but then it was a more jokey kind. These are the really in-love kind. The recent entries make me so happy when I read them.
Recently been much in love once again 🙂 the feeling of wanting to tell him ” love you” comes over me quite randomly and often, and i’ve to control myself to not say it so many times. haha. but yeah the thought of him really floats through my head often. I know the teacher said that we shouldn’t be thinking of anything but studies but eh.. lol.
Lovely to be back here after the difficult spell the past few months. Hoping that things would be better from now on – I feel that I got over a few issues myself, and am trying to get over a few more. Hope that on both our sides things will get better and we’ll do even better together. Funny how couples usually are so much infatuated for the longest time and don’t quarrel at all while we got out of that phase quite fast hahaha and fought oftenish. But one good thing is that we don’t really remember what the quarrel is about/hold anger from previous quarrels.. We typically end up making up happily about a day or so later. One thing that makes me happy – that despite a fight, we love each other enough to end it asap. We’re not the kind to hold fights for crazy long periods and ignore each other and things like that… I’m happy for that. tbh I do remember some things that we’ve fought about, and yeah I make a conscious effort sometimes to avoid doing those things.. But apart from that I don’t hold grudges against him and neither he against me (I hope. 😉 Okay actually I kind of know.. Can feel it. heh.)
I’ve also gotten more appreciative of all the things that he does for me to make me happy and make me laugh. How we’ll go back together and he’ll put his arm around me, how we’ll play stupid things on the bus and how he asks about me and buys me food and things like that :’) How he tries to make make me laugh when I’m upset or grumpy and how he bears with all my moods and annoyedness. I look at chao and bchong and caloob and all the other guys that i’m close to and I marvel at how lucky I am to have him and not them :p he’s really a rare diamond, a gem. Scratched in some areas but so much potential and so polished in so many areas.. So different from others and so special. A really different kind of guy from the others around me, and those who I’ve seen. and even better, he makes me so happy and he makes me laugh effortlessly. He’s my best friend and my rock and I trust him like no other. he knows the most of me and I can tell him anything and he can too. He’s my home and love and when I’m with him I wish I could capture everything so we could look through it all again in the future. I know the exams are nearing but I still look forward to his company and spending time with him. The bus rides home take me through the day, and the morning meetings give me a reason to actually come to school. Of course there are also other things but he is a big reason. I’m really quite happy to have someone like him.
we don’t know how long we’ll last, but that’s something I shan’t think of. For now lets just get the results down so he can study here for another 7 more or so years. After that we’ll see where fate and time bring us. For all we know, we’ll end somewhere halfway. For all we know, we’ll remain together till the end. Regardless, we can’t tell and there’s no point thinking so far. I will admit that I too have fears and worries and concerns about this, but I shan’t write them here – it does not feel right to taint this with them. We will see how, later. In a way, we have the privilege of constant. At least for the remainder of the months till dec, there’s no change, and we’ve only one goal as a team. Everything else can and will wait.
Sometimes though, I do daydream of coming home to him. At night when I’m in pain or scared I hold Potato and pretend that he’s his representative. I remember that the night before the geog paper, i was so terrified and lost and I kept breaking down.. And I remember then that the only thing i wished for was to have him by my side, or on the phone, to tell me that things will be fine. I remember watching the video he sent me (oh how I love it) and laughing to myself, eventually crying myself to sleep. his presence was comforting, is comforting. the next day I told him about it and I recall him laughing to himself so loudly down the main stairs from the hall. he called me stupid and how I laughed and how happy I was. It was like relief.
Thank you for everything. oh you’re calling! yay