hello my love, I see that your visits to this site increases as your mood feels bad? I hope that the next time you read this your feeling cheery still 🙂 but if you’re not, its okay, just look after yourself and sleep more and this too will pass. This too will pass.

I can finally type here because I got my laptop back, yay! Haha. Because the wordpress mobile site is terrible for typing, and honestly so is the keypad of my phone. I’m a little worried that this computer will shut down on me too often, but I’m hoping that if I avoid running too heavy processes on it it’ll survive.. Although its already over heating but yeah. Lets hope.

Btw I need your admin account and password ahahah. And also you left your Evernote logged in in your account. Don’t worry. I logged out. :p

Today was utterly amazing with you. Today was iceskating and geog on the bus day. Today was a great day, and your company was the best thing ever. I can say more but lets just say that you’re wonderfully caring and thoughtful and a joy to be with. I didn’t want today to end/

Tomorrow we’ll meet to but for work. Its alright, lets do the work we got to get down to. We’ll do this together, and we’re in this together. Hang in there, and do what you can. Like you said; as long as you move – falling, crawling, walking or running, anything is better than not moving. So despite everything of the day, lets do something. Lets make a no-nothing day, ie a day where we can’t do “nothing.” You are amazing and you are strong and I admire and respect and love you.

Stay in my life, thanks/ 🙂

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heya. I miss you, haha. I realise its really very comforting to have someone by my side, someone who I trust completely and can tell everything and anything. I keep wanting to send you a text but going like, “eh cannot lah” hahahah. Glad you have your family here though, and no I’m 100% not envious of them ok haha I want you to spend time with them 🙂 Its nice that they’re here, must feel good. 🙂 btw I have stuff for you and your parents.

//

Not sure if I can trust the person who ignored me for so long. In fact, I don’t trust her. I think from that time on I realised how much I have to be careful in what i say or do around her, and how much time i spend with you. It makes me very self consious when I spend time with you when she’s around. Others don’t mind, they either wait patiently or even disturb you (ie stupid chao hahah) but she seems annoyed? idk. Likely she’s just awkward around you but eh whatever it is I don’t like how it looks. I mean, tze is also awkward with you but she’s okay, yknow? And the other one, she’s also very close to the other group suddenly – all of a sudden she stops hanging out with us and all. Not sure if that’s an attempt to spend more time with the other side, but the abruptness and extremeness of it is.. I don’t trust her. tbh I wouldn’t let her follow cats but eh I can’t do that. So yeah.

And the other girl… She seems so innocent and blur but (well duh) she’s not. And for some reason, despite already knowing that, my impression of her has changed so much and I’m even a little scared of her. Idk, something like I don’t trust her as much as before? She’s really nice, I mean, I can’t deny that. But for some reason I’m having issues wrapping my head around it.

They’re both nice people and friends… but not people who I’ll let into my inner circle. Not that easily, at least. One has broken my trust more than once, and I’m not inclined to letting her in again when she’s just going to break her way out in due time.

Doing the math 2014 A level paper now and wth, I really think my math is quite screwy still. I realise that my subjects are generally not very good, still very weak in general. A lot of areas where I’m still weak, and also a severe lack of practice. Really need to buck up – a lot of the other weaker students have begun mugging for quite a long time, so I think I better start too. Should block reddit I think. Major distraction site. Not sure if I can bring myself to block facebook and twitter? Actually tbh I don’t think I’ve much to lose even if I block them but I guess it feels weird to not have a source to check up on other people..

good morning 🙂 Just wanted to say hi, hahah. Hope that you’re having a good time – enjoy the food and company whilst they’re here 🙂 Look forward to seeing you on wed, but till then I don’t want you :p Hahah you’re very cute btw. Take care and have a good one 🙂

Don’t know if I should write this here but I’ll just put that aside first.

I think its time to be more mature and take up greater responsibility in the household. Its not nice to let my grandma do everything for us. I feel guilty sometimes, and I guess that’s sufficient reason to start doing things. And hopefully she’ll be less cranky. I think also that we should try to get her out of the house more often – all she does now is watch tv, sleep and do housework. And play on her tablet. That’s very bad and unbalanced, she should really get out some more. I think once exams end I should vacuum the house.

Vacuum it every day for 15 mins, and a deep clean once a week. Deep clean should take 1 hour. Means I’ll have to get out the cordless cleaner and charge it for the daily cleans.

Fold my own clothes, and learn to iron them. At least the basic ones. Get a basket and put all our washed clothes in there, then we fold by ourselves.

Wash our own bottles, or use the cups. If use cups then bottles have to be out by 9pm.

Honestly I don’t like doing chores in the day with people looking, so I think I should either do them late at night or wake up early to do them. Its time to be more disciplined. Especially since majority of my household are late wakers, I think it should be nice to have the house to myself in the morning on weekends.

This place has become a platform from which I talk to you. Its a place where I can speak to you, because I know you’re reading. And with that knowledge comes the responsibility to not abuse it, to not use this place as a thing to hurt you or upset you. And admittedly, I’ve not done that very well previously. I’ve put in effort though, to do that more now.

University

I’m not sure whether or not I ever wanted to study overseas. My mum always had told me to, and she’d always tell us that she’ll fund our studies overseas. Even in secondary school, she’d sometimes point out universities in the newspapers – those overseas ones which for some reason or another, had made the news – and told me that she’ll send me overseas in the future. I’m not sure if I did want to go. Even now I’m not sure. I do know though, that I’m not going to apply overseas. One reason why I’d avoided applying for the MFA scholarship is because its all overseas. And I’m not willing to fly. Maybe in the past I didn’t know whether I wanted to go, but for now, I’m not willing to go because I don’t wish to leave you. When I say that, two things come into my mind. Firstly, is that people will tell me I’m being stupid to give up such opportunities for a relationship which in the long term, has pretty low chances of lasting. And secondly, is that I’m afraid that I’ll impact your social life in uni too. One thing I have as a consolation though, is that we’ll enter uni with us as a constant – so its something we can work with, rather than a new issue that pops up. Even so, I want, in university, for us to spend more time doing other things, to make friends and go out with them and all. I sincerely enjoy spending time together, but I think that it’ll be healthier for us to branch out too. It won’t be nice if I ate up all your social time. And regardless of where we go.. Well, we’ll just see what happens. Please don’t hold back and apply for NTU if you want to then, I really would support you in whatever choice you make. As long as it makes you happy and its what you want.. I’ll be okay with it. So don’t worry. Go for REP if that’s what you want 🙂

Happiness

I’ve realised that being happy, is something that people can’t give you. Yes, people can temporarily make you happy. But true happiness, a satisfaction in life.. Is something that only we can achieve by ourselves. Perhaps the time to do so isn’t now – but we can still do what we can to achieve that. The small things would make a difference too; even if we’re not totally satisfied with our social life or self or whatever, the small things done now would improve things slightly. And that’s what we want, isn’t it? I don’t know if things can be changed drastically overnight – maybe it can, why not? But I think that doing things in the now is what’s important. To do things that Future Me would thank Present Me for.

On work

I’m honestly pretty damn unmotivated. I know I’ve got to do work but yet I simply procrastinate and avoid doing things. I kill time by watching videos and playing games and other things, but I know where my time should legit be going into. I speak sometimes, I feel, as if I’m terribly motivated and that all we have to do is just study for a bit more. But I’m honestly just as sick of this as everyone else. Maybe others won’t agree with me – You don’t understand, they’ll say. Alright, alright. Maybe that’s true. But we don’t know. What I know if that we’re all sick of this. Even the idea of my mum cutting off my allowance doesn’t motivate me greatly. First paper is CSE which I haven’t studied for at all bcos CSQ doesn’t require much revision.. And I’m still not studying. I guess in a way I take my studying pace as the average of people around me. And the one nearest to me is for the moment, off studying. Not blaming them, of course. But that’s influencing my study patterns as well, I think. And that’s not really good. Got to get down to business, regardless of whether or not I like it. Yeah its very true that prelims are just prelims and totally separate from As.. Makes me want to heck it. But I guess the knowledge that I may be dearly disappointed when the results come out isn’t very nice. I’m honestly still hoping that some miracle will happen like in JCTs and I’ll do not bad again. But really?.. I don’t think so. I don’t want to disappoint my teachers.. I need to get my shit in order. Natasha. Please do. Please study. Your time is flying away, and day by day exams creep forward. You know you’re not like him – you can’t study under pressure. Under pressure you shut down.. so you have to have to have to start early. start. please, self. Whether or not you’re motivated… just get some shit done.

no money I swear its true

fricking hell hahah what I just spent like over $80 on clothes the past few days okok girl its time to stop and like.. do work. Hopefully they’re worth it :))

But yeah that coupled with expensive food = no money 😥 susu we gotta eat cheap now ok even your rich gf also no money alr hahah haizz

but eh good time with you, the retard 🙂