I wonder how these potential IP kids view our school. Its likely that they don’t know of the way many of us see the school, its likely that may are applying because of its rather dignified name – Temasek. I wonder if they’ll like the school, if the call of fresh pastries wafting from the GNC will lure them just like it lures us in. I wonder if TJ will be able to give them the same sense of belonging and home that some schools have managed to give their students; years spent in IJ have given me the privilege to really feel at home in a school. The combined spirit of a school, when it comes together, when we all come together, it really is a wonderful feeling. I wonder if TJ will be able to give these students such an opportunity. I hope it does. I really hope that with time, this school will regain its former glory and pride. Glory and reputation isn’t as important as the pride we have for our school though, I feel. It would though, help if there was something we felt proud of.. But even so. I really hope that following batches of students would be able to enjoy the school

damn tired. Its gonna be a long day today with TDSS and geog make up, especially since there’s so much to be done for class tomorrow.

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24 July 2015

“like a small boat, in an ocean // sending big waves into motion”

Listened to Fight Song for the first time yesterday when I wasn’t feeling too happy and listening again to it now.. It’s really quite nice 🙂 Today was a good day!

1. Had quite a productive class with Mahmood today haha he’s really quite a good teacher and analyst. Not bad 🙂

2. Ning was telling me about her senior-junior issues aiyo why so complicated sia. But its nice to be in the know. Really hope she settles it in the best way possible.

3. Jiayi came back today!! She was telling us about her life in China (crazy, I swear.) and how she topped English because, well, DUH. And a shit lot more things like how she runs 10km a day and eats so little like whut. Breakfast is cereal?? with can’t remember what. Lunch is just veg with 2 plus spoons of meat, no rice. And soup. Dinner is just fruits and milk and something else that’s tiny like I swear she’s crazy thin now 😮 Oh she also mimicked the English Listening Comprehensions4. that they have there ahaha apparently its something like a conversation between a boy and his mother about wanting cake.. Then the questions are: “What is their relationship?” HAHAH. hilarious. Oh she also crashed HGeog class for a while and pretended to be Mr Wong when his back was turned, announcing to the class that “okay class, today we’ll be going through… Population!” And Mr wong took so long to realise hahah so funny 🙂

– haha I just saw that I had 2 WA messages from Suyash at 12.48am and was like woah he’s awake?? And was quite excited hahah but when I opened them I realised that its just messages from long before that my phone didn’t notify me of haha aiyo –

4. Photo taking!

5. Went for IKEA dinner with YS, ET, N, YC, ZM, BC and Jamz today hehe had a really good time 🙂 Funish journey otw there too hehe. The fish with the potato/broccoli patty was daaamn good omg I want to go back another day with Suyash hahah so good ❤ Pity he doesn’t eat the meatballs, they’re so good haha! And ah Jamz was hilarious. She couldn’t get the meatballs so she got the fish.. She doesn’t eat vegetables so essentially 2/3 of the dish was uneaten hahaha we ate it for her aiyo sad girl HAHA. The after that we roamed IKEA looking at things and I cuddled so many soft things whee so fun! And when we were about to leave N blew me a kiss HAHAHA I was so shocked I didn’t know how to react HAHA but okay lah saved it quite well if I may just say so myself 😉 Ah yeah she’s been super nice these few days so er idk why but okay not complaining hahaha I think she feels guilty for how she treated us during that tie since she’s now experiencing similar things. but oh well. And BC is so fond of Jamz aiyo so cute I cannot! I envious sia HAHAH.

6. Had a good heart to heart talk with Tze otw back home 🙂 Really enjoy my time with her, its very comfortable.

7. Got home for like 10 minutes before I was summoned to TPY central by Cordy and atas ahaha didn’t know what they wanted sia and it was like 10.30 already. But in the end we sat on the floor of the bus interchange and talked and (I stole their starbucks) till 12am hahah so good to catch up with them again. :’) and aiyooo atas and her new things in life hahaha poor thing but still so funny :p Hope it goes well.

8. S was happy again today. no words 🙂

Everyone’s going through their own challenges. We’ll get through them 🙂

Also, I realised that this term is going to be bloody crazy hectic. I hope we survive it well.. Its honestly quite exhausting; we end so late each day with mock papers and all, with IS and LOs still calling for our blood. Tbh not sure when I’ll be able to finish my IS because yeah, I can understand why the seniors took so long to finish it. Apparently we’re supposed to finish it preferably by July but lol evidently not right.. Haiz. Meeting mahmood tomorrow afternoon so hopefully he passes my point (in general. Then can get started on refining it + come up with more points) Please let me finish IS soon gosh..

And tbh.. School is tiring also because aiyo the girl who’s name also starts with N. Must tend to her aiya.. Gah. I also wonder how Caleb is doing – he’s been pretty quiet in class these few days + hasn’t been texting me + posting odd stuff on Facebook.. I hope he’s doing fine, that he’s not texting because he’s too busy texting his moon moon. Actually quite relieved he’s not texting me ah, if not really no time already ahaha. But yeah.

Okay lah, time to do work. I’m thirsty and sleepy 😦 And everyone is sleep including fish 😥 haiz. Let’s get started on this!

(PS you might be reading more of these sort of entries these few days ahah sorry ah not really engaging)

I think that when I come back to this page years down the road I’ll only cringe at how immature and ridiculous I sound. But for now, oh well 🙂

I’ve no idea where you are; asleep? I’m not too sure. I honestly am not too sure what I’m getting us into, but all I’m hoping for is that its for the best. After all, its not like we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we started this journey. I’ve my hopes for where this will take us, but even those have various threads at times.. In the end though,.. We’ll see.

What this entry is about is perhaps, a love letter to you. A kind of love letter, to let you know how you’ve impacted me over this one year. I don’t know how far I’ll go, but let’s take a look.

You’ve made me realise what it is to love somebody. Never before have I been willing to sacrifice my welfare for someone else’s never before have I desired to give someone else the best part of everything. And never before have I been so protective of another’s well being. You taught me what it is to love.. and to be loved. I’ve never felt love as strong as yours before, and even typing this now it makes me tear because its now I realise that you do love me.. The affection and love you showed me then,.. its something that I’ll carry close to my heart wherever I may go. I have screenshots of some particularly touching words from you, and also locked some messages from you.. All of them show me how much you love me. And I am so thankful. And even now you don’t reply because you didn’t want to make me sad.. How much you care. Thank you.

You’ve taught me how to clash, how to fight, how to get into conflicts. You’ve shown me how these things go, and how it feels when they end. You’ve taught me to be a better person; more understanding and better at conflict-management. You train me to be less passive-aggressive, more willing to compromise and listen. All this I’ve never done before you, and you’ve allowed me to grow so much with you.

You also opened my eyes; things like how we can have two streams of thought – the brain and the mind. One conscious and the other not so much. You’ve taught me that studying right before the exam is important. You’ve also taught me that one can do practically anything as long as one sets their mind to it. You’ve also enriched my life in a multitude of different other areas which I currently fail at recalling, but do know that you’ve changed my outlook to many areas.

You made me feel beautiful for once, that’s something I can’t forget. You made me laugh and you’ve made me cry; you’ve kissed me and I’ve kissed you. I’ve done so much in life with you, so many things important and memorable and things I won’t forget. You’ve given me so many memories – at the mountbatton macs where we would try and study, you wrote me a short note saying “I love you” once this year. I carry it in my pencil case. At the marina square macs as well as the mall, where we took photos using my Mac and we slept on various occasions. The mall, where we would stroll in school uniform through the almost empty mall with your hand around my waist and me holding you as best as I can. Fries with pepper and chilli, bubble tea and almond tauhuay. I know now that McSpicy gives people terrible shits. What else do I recall? So much. Everything I walk past on the way home, I can recall. Sitting at the back of the bus with you so near me. Oh how we’d progress. Thanking the bus uncle when we got off. Playing round and round the pillar at the area near the bus stop, as well as where you would hug me goodbye before you left each time. The open square area where we ate pizza as well as laksa as well as chicken rice. The bread shop where you bought me a gift once, and where I shop for bread for you when its late enough for the discount. The bubble tea shop where I would sometimes find you waiting, if you alighted the bus early enough. The road crossing, where we once walked past each other, on the phone. Tauhuay. My home, where we laid on the bed together once. Where I curled up against you for the first time. Where we took the photos using the full length mirror. 12th floor, where we used to go to kiss and cuddle. Where we tried to do work together but I ended up sleeping. Where I would often answer calls from you during the jct period this year. So many more memories and thoughts relating to you..

Today when I accidentally bumped straight into you in the Geog room I was washed away by your scent. You smelt the same as always, same as last time when we were so much in love. You enveloped me and I could imagine your arms around me and my face to your shoulder. The warmth and comfort and the feeling of.. home. I remembered all that in just those few seconds, and looking back, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go of you fully. No matter where I go or what happens to us, I think that a part of my soul belongs fully to you. You had my heart, you still have my heart. Keep it warm. I loved you, and I still love you. I love you.

I don’t know if what I’m suggesting is the right thing to do, but I want the best for you but without killing me. Please let this be the right thing to do. I still love you.. I do love you.