hello there, lovely

Hello there, my dear.

I’m not sure if I’ll let you read this, or if I’ll let you come to this site. No one knows about this, no one ever. I don’t come here that often myself, its the once in a blue moon when I feel it very deeply and I need somewhere to write.

I was thinking, how sucky it’ll be when you’re back home and we can’t even talk typically. The 4 months post As, actually. I can’t even say I love you, or send you photos or ask you to send me photos. We would barely be able to call, bcos not only are you back home, but you’re also studying. And I won’t be able to even see you or smell you or touch you. I can’t even touch you. Saying that brings tears to my eyes, really. I can’t even touch you. That bloody sucks. I mean all LDRs aren’t easy, but added on with you studying and being back home and us not even being able to talk much or in a normal fashion… that makes it worse.

But. I guess, thinking forward… the local guys will have to go for NS, and that’s 2 years and that will also suck. So I guess what we have isn’t thaaat bad in comparison? But still. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I miss you, you know. I was on the bus back last night and it was late and I wished you were next to me so I could lean on you. Turned my music on, and the first song that played was the piano recording of my heart will go on. And some other songs which reminded me of you.. it was sad. And I almost cried a little. Was looking through our photos then too and oh my, we look so happy :’) I love it, I love them. I love looking at you ๐Ÿ™‚ ah your snaps, it makes me legitimately happy to see your face ๐Ÿ™‚ I have so many screenshots of you, hahaha.

Was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa just now and suddenly wished you were there playing with my hair.. in that way of yours, when I’m squatting looking at something and you’re standing behind me. I love it when you tug it like that. Actually I realise, I love many things of you.

I hug people like I hug you, I think of you when I ride escalators and sometimes unconsciously lean against people. You’re everywhere in my head, still. Its there but its not as overwhelming as the infatuation.. now its a quite silence that doesn’t make me pine for you that badly. I miss you, but its not overwhelming to the point where you’re all I can think of. I think about you a lot though.. I can’t wait for you to be back.

You’re like warmth, like home, like happiness and coziness and love and trust and.. somewhere I belong. You’re like a blanket in the cold, a presence in my heart, like a roller coaster in a theme park. You’re the highlight and also the attraction and you’re just pure happiness.

Oh it feels so lucky to have you by my side.. I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t believe you haven’t been taken already, mine mine mine ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™กโ™ก

I wanted to have a place where I could randomly post shit and photos and stuff so you could see but insta refused to let me create another account, blah. So here I am, typing on my phone ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah my good looking sweetheart, you melt my heart. You bring down my walls and you keep me safe and you make me feel so contented. I don’t know if its intelligent for me to type this all here and invite you to read this, but I will. Lets not think of possible future expansions.. I think about the what ifs too much.

My dear? I love you.

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