To create beautiful, beautiful music which has the ability to connect people despite the language.. The ability to create beautiful beautiful things.. That is something I wish I could do. And now I make a promise to myself, in Uni, please self, please go join some music cca. Or learn an instrument.. It is beautiful.

Funny though, the number of things I wish I could do, the number of things I want to do. So many I will not accomplish. I want to, though.

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fish

I love you. Just wanted to say that.. Thank you for everything. Have a good time back home, I’ll be here waiting when you get back. Take care.

(This will be deleted in a few days)

Beauty

Day 3: Write to yourself about one non-living thing you find beautiful and why. (The ocean, love, etc.)

So I was looking for the “Inspire Me” button again, but sadly, there isn’t any. I don’t know why.

I realise that I like having the room to myself. Its fine when my sister is here, but when my aunt is here sometimes its too noisy and I don’t really like it. Suyash said that I write well – silly boy. I write average, at best. But anyway, what I want to write about today would be the prompt above.

Dear Me,

There are so many things beautiful in life, both living, as well as non-living. I believe you already know that/

Its beautiful, walking in the cold night, with chilly wind tugging your hair and the skies so dark and deep that you could lose yourself in them. When the stars are but twinkling eyes from above, distant specks of brightness but you know that they’re something magnificent and beautiful, things that people spend hours trying to portray and capture and describe. That feeling of happiness, its not really happiness per se, but its a simple joy of life. Its quiet- not bursting at the seams like celebration, but rather a gently gurgling brook. It brings a sense of calm and peace and at times like that, you believe that everything will be alright. At times like that, you wish that you could capture it to show the world, that your loved ones could see it too because such beautiful things deserve, and should be shared. There’s something beautiful about the cold, when its not too cold that you’re totally shivering, and neither when you’re sick. The cold that I am talking about is not the one from the air-conditioner, rather its the natural cold of the seasons. Its fresh and sharp and it nips at you.. And it makes you feel so alive and everything is beautiful and everything, everything will be alright because.. why not? If plants can sprout in spring; if baby infant seedlings can last the chill and burst anew in the young spring, why can’t we, as humans do too? We can, and so we will.

What else is beautiful?.. The feeling of curling up against someone you love, the act alone of being near them, next to them, it makes you feel like home and its comforting and simple and you know that we were made for this. You know then, that humans were made to socialise, that the physcial touch can indeed be miraculous and it can be healing. Its beautiful, feeling so at home at someone’s side.. Someplace where you know, that at least for those moments, that you’re completely safe and surrounded and its a warm sense of belonging. Its warm and cozy and its covers you like a duvet, it keeps you dozy and its like soft and like rubbing the fur of an animal, its like the warmth inside you when you drink a cup of hot chocolate at the exact right temperature. Its rich and perfect and you know that you don’t want to lose this feeling. That,.. that is indeed beautiful. Its something that hugging an inanimate object cannot replicate, because no matter how warm or how cuddly it is, or how well it molds to your shape, the love that you can feel.. cannot be replaced.

So many things are beautiful. The playing of birds, their chirping and singing as they flit about in the air. The gentle moving of clouds in the sky, when they fill up your window and they’re all you can see. The sharp crispness of leaves against the wet air as the rain finally stops. The laughter of people, as they see something which truly touches them. Its funny, really, how sometimes when people see something shocking they laugh. What an amusing form of coping with the shock. You see it in weddings sometimes, when the groom sees his bride for the first time. Never seen that before in reality, but in pictures online, sometimes I imagine the bubble of laughter that comes out of nowhere. You can see it on their faces. The feeling of playing in the rain- the coolness of raindrops on your skin, soaking you, running down your skin. The amused yet curious looks that people give you, as they see you laughing without a single care in the world.. Water is beautiful, and so is letting yourself go. The feeling of doing so, being able to do things without caring what others may think, the feeling of being free and to forget everything for that while, to only concentrate on the going ons of the moment.. That is simply amazing. Rejuvenating. Captivating. That feeling.. It is beautiful. The look in someone’s eyes when you know that they love you, the way they look at you.. It makes everything feel so good, it makes everything worth it.

To me, in many ways, beauty is letting go. It is nature, it is the gentle happiness and the flow of emotions that we experience in our everyday lives. It can be made, of course, through architecture and through colours and curves and words and actions and thoughts and feelings.. But it is something that we have to remember to recognise ourselves, we have to see the beauty in the things, and in the people around us. Everything can be beautiful, really. Blow me away.

hello there, lovely

Hello there, my dear.

I’m not sure if I’ll let you read this, or if I’ll let you come to this site. No one knows about this, no one ever. I don’t come here that often myself, its the once in a blue moon when I feel it very deeply and I need somewhere to write.

I was thinking, how sucky it’ll be when you’re back home and we can’t even talk typically. The 4 months post As, actually. I can’t even say I love you, or send you photos or ask you to send me photos. We would barely be able to call, bcos not only are you back home, but you’re also studying. And I won’t be able to even see you or smell you or touch you. I can’t even touch you. Saying that brings tears to my eyes, really. I can’t even touch you. That bloody sucks. I mean all LDRs aren’t easy, but added on with you studying and being back home and us not even being able to talk much or in a normal fashion… that makes it worse.

But. I guess, thinking forward… the local guys will have to go for NS, and that’s 2 years and that will also suck. So I guess what we have isn’t thaaat bad in comparison? But still. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I miss you, you know. I was on the bus back last night and it was late and I wished you were next to me so I could lean on you. Turned my music on, and the first song that played was the piano recording of my heart will go on. And some other songs which reminded me of you.. it was sad. And I almost cried a little. Was looking through our photos then too and oh my, we look so happy :’) I love it, I love them. I love looking at you ๐Ÿ™‚ ah your snaps, it makes me legitimately happy to see your face ๐Ÿ™‚ I have so many screenshots of you, hahaha.

Was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa just now and suddenly wished you were there playing with my hair.. in that way of yours, when I’m squatting looking at something and you’re standing behind me. I love it when you tug it like that. Actually I realise, I love many things of you.

I hug people like I hug you, I think of you when I ride escalators and sometimes unconsciously lean against people. You’re everywhere in my head, still. Its there but its not as overwhelming as the infatuation.. now its a quite silence that doesn’t make me pine for you that badly. I miss you, but its not overwhelming to the point where you’re all I can think of. I think about you a lot though.. I can’t wait for you to be back.

You’re like warmth, like home, like happiness and coziness and love and trust and.. somewhere I belong. You’re like a blanket in the cold, a presence in my heart, like a roller coaster in a theme park. You’re the highlight and also the attraction and you’re just pure happiness.

Oh it feels so lucky to have you by my side.. I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t believe you haven’t been taken already, mine mine mine ๐Ÿ™‚ โ™กโ™ก

I wanted to have a place where I could randomly post shit and photos and stuff so you could see but insta refused to let me create another account, blah. So here I am, typing on my phone ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah my good looking sweetheart, you melt my heart. You bring down my walls and you keep me safe and you make me feel so contented. I don’t know if its intelligent for me to type this all here and invite you to read this, but I will. Lets not think of possible future expansions.. I think about the what ifs too much.

My dear? I love you.