Jei Min

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Lemon Cupcake

This is what I imagine your cupcakes to look like. The others on the google search looked really bright and cheery, but I think this fits the picture in my head the best.

Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t accept your offer of cupcakes, what was I thinking?? Evidently, not much, as it always is when it comes to you. Dang. They looked really good, and i would imagine them to taste really good too.

Lesson learnt. Never refuse food. Thanks for the offer, though.

Inspire Me

So I clicked “inspire me,” but nothing came out. I wanted to close and try again at first, but I realize that this is too something like art- you start with nothing and create something, hopefully something beautiful, out of that nothing. 

My goodness, art was a long journey. It was both painful and marvelous at the same time, I would think. Would I be willing to go through it all over again? If I could change my decision to take art, would I? I don’t think so, really. Art has definitely deprived me of much, aka sleep and revision, but it has also given me much. Experience, resilience. Power. Knowledge and well, desperation. I’ve never been so desperate before, I would think.

Jaime Jam Sarah Toon. Jam Bri Sheena Anh Kristina Pennie Libby. Eve NatLowe Rachel Sze Shen. Amanda Arielle Andrea. Catherine Lisa. The people, the 20 of us. Without the many long hours in which we were forced into each other’s company, I doubt we’ll be this close. Yes, art gave me the company. It gave me companionship- they’re my Zubats. 

I really can’t believe the journey has ended, yet I’m so delighted that it has. Another one (aka SOVA) has started, but that’s neither as tiring nor as tough as Coursework. Coursework was.. a journey with many downs. The worst was probably those two nights. One which Theng saved, heck up to now I don’t understand why she randomly messaged me. I think if I didn’t have her that day, this journey might have ended on a different note. So yes. Go thank Theng, self. The other.. Was sharp disappointment, I guess. Thanks to Toon and Tang. They handled it much better than I would have. 

The insane sleeping times due to the rush to complete homework after reaching home. The delightful home-cooked dinner by the PVs, hell were they delicious. The black night sky of after dinner, the silence of the school as we walked across the parade square. The staring longingly into the glass-stained windows of the library at night, as we washed up for the day. The whirr of the fans late into the night. The silent stalkings of the teachers checking up on us. The constant playing of music. Bastille.

The painting and washing and mixing and applying and panic and overall process. The rush of fear and desperation whenever the teachers demanded for a check. The empty prep boards and the crazy 5 day National Day weekend rush of drawings. So many thanks to hohoho there for staying back to help me plan out everything, I remember being so scared and paralyzed then. Then, everybody was fighting for themselves. No more helping, cos’ you need to survive yourself first. People were finishing and YOU WERE NOT so you need to finish. Time’s running out, you’re slow, you tell yourself. You need to finish this. And so, you do. Somehow, someday, you finish.

Finishing, its not like what you imagine it to be like. I always thought I would cry from relief be crazy crazy happy or something. Or announce it to the world. I thought that it would feel like a burden lifted from my shoulders, but it wasn’t that. Yes, the load was lightened, and for a short while there it seemed as if you were free. But no, there’s more to do my dear. Prelims are coming, you sucker. But hey, at least you’re done. No one seems to care though. Its just proof that somethings don’t need to be announced, because nobody gives. a. damn. Great, you finished! But hey I’ve got things to do so shoo child. Go. Let’s change the topic. [Guilt sets in cos’ Chang was willing to listen-ish to my moanings] I can’t deny not doing that too, though. The idea of someone finishing doesn’t fill you up with joy or something, its simply emptiness. You smile and congratulate them, but we both know that its missing something. I don’t think its sincerity, that’s not the right word. And that spiraled far..

Sometimes I think that art completes me. Then I think again, and I feel that it might be the one breaking me. I think that this is what its like loving someone who doesn’t love you back- up and down. 

Oh dear, just lost the next two paragraphs. Act smart luh girl. Haha. So yes. Remember the teachers- Mr Ho Hou Lim.

Remember the bads, too. When MrL told Jam to not sit with me. Or me with Joelle. Despite it being for the best (debatable, actually.) How the teachers pay more attention to the bests. How nothing comes out like what you wanted cos’ you can’t do it, even when you wanted to. Favouritism. The fatigue. The stress. The panic and desperation. The inability to hit deadlines. The feeling that no one on the outside can understand, and everyone on the inside is battling the same demons as you are. The silence after someone sees your work. That silence. The no lunch. Its not the actual feeling of hunger that makes me sad, but really the fact that I practically skipped real lunch for 7weeks. Bread sometimes doesn’t cut it, but what can you do. All those hours dedicated are never enough, there’s always somewhere you can improve, something you can continue.

Enough art related ramblings now, though its over. Revel in that and enjoy what you had, self. I hope you look back at it with joy and nostalgia. 

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A favourite memory [Day 5]

Throwback Thursday: A favourite memory

I don’t know, really. Perhaps its true that we only remember the bad memories, the happy ones tend to fade into the background. Or maybe its just my short-term memory, haha.

All I can think about is the day of the english Olevel oral. That was quite hilarious, I must say. The whole bizarreness of the situation. The male examiner was so friendly, so jokey that I felt immediately at ease with them. He had a cheery smile, too. Remember him greeting me as I sat down, and it was as if we were friends before or something. Then Nhi started reading and I COULDN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK HAHAHAH. That really broke the ice. We covering one ear whilst reading.

Back to class after that, and we played those ridiculous games hahaha. And she stayed back with us, amazingly. The sun was setting and it shined its rays through the glass front door of the Pascal. And she stood in the direct line of it gosh her face was like lighted up. In both senses of the word. She was laughing and hahah and there were those laughter lines at the sides of her eyes. I think after reading those books bout Duchenne smiles and everything, I keep getting amazed by her smiles. Boom.

And when I was trying to guess the trick of those games, and she was laughing. I think I’ve effectively come to the conclusion that I enjoy eye contact with her, yes? That’s cos its so rare, I would think. I like having her attention.

So yes. Games. Where the Light Bounces, Fuzzy Wuzzy etc. Killed so much time with them, and walked to the hub with them too. Theng and clique, Chang, Jei Min. She turned down her extended flock to walk with us, I recall. Mild awkwardness but sweetness. Ish?

I don’t know if that’s a favourite memory, really. Do I have a favourite memory? Favourite implies like, utmost, number 1, best. I’ve memories that I like, that I treasure. But favourite? I don’t know. This isn’t my “favourite,” its just one of those that I remember fondly of, I would think. And it might lose its golden shimmer, soon. Perhaps. As time wears by, and thoughts subside /coughcough, self.

 

Message to self: Leave comments here/thoughts/changes when you come back to read this in the future. Tell me what has changed. Does she still laugh like that? Do ya’ll even keep in contact? Tell me what other happy memories you have. How’s Chang, how’s Theng? I hope everything is fine. How’s the swing, if you still remember what I mean. And yes, how badly did you cringe when reading all these?? 0-10.

18 April, 2014: I can’t believe that this was what, 7 months ago? Time has really flown by, especially in JC. Yes self, things have definitely changed. She’s still as close to her flock, of course, and we are but the same in rank. HAHA. But don’t you worry, it doesn’t make that much of an impact anymore. You know what? The thing you were trying to hard to control in the past has rather rapidly disappearded, thanks to t alck of interaction. Its not that I didn’t try, of course. But it just wasn’t working out. Oh well. I’ll remember what you once felt about her- looking back its all so clear. And yes, I do believe that she still laughs like that. She’s pretty, ain’t she.

You had a new one just awhile ago, but I again trying to keep it down. It definitely wasn’t as bad as this, though. TF was easier.

Chang, well, you’ve a letter dedicated to her. Day One. She’s amazing. I strongly believe that she’s doing well, but we don’t really message, you understand me? It was the convenience of distance that brought us today. For some damn good memories, I’ll add on. I believe that whenever we meet up again, it’ll just be like the old times. Went out with her last Saturday, at Electric Run. Don’t know what I was so worried about 🙂 Messaging her ain’t as good as seeing her in person.

Theng, well she’s too doing well. At first we met up quite often, like once a month? And messaged quite often too. But then I realise that she’s also busy, and just doesn’t have the time to meet up/ talk so often. So I decreased contact. She’s a lovely friend though, we /do still talk. Just much less. And really, sometimes about nothing. She doesn’t know much about me, and I her. Personal things, I mean. Like the way the herd knows. But oh well. And no, I don’t remember the swing. WHAT SWING?? Bowling swing? But its too late in the year to talk about that, no?…

30 DAY POKÉMON DRAWING CHALLENGE

From http://heckyeahtumblrchallenges.tumblr.com again 

1. Yourself as a trainer in your preferred in-game class (ace, hiker, bug catcher, etc.)

2. Your favorite pokémon

3. A pokémon of your favorite type

4. The first shiny you caught (excluding the red Gyarados used as a plot device in G/S/C/HG/SS). If you’ve never caught another shiny, draw a picture of yourself sadly not drawing a pokémon.

5. The cutest pokémon

6. Your favorite 1st gen pokémon

7. Your favorite Eeveelution

8. Your favorite fossil pokémon (Relicanth may or may not count, do whatever the fuck you want).

9. Your favorite legendary pokémon

10. A pokémon of your favorite color

11. The ugliest pokémon

12. Your favorite 2nd gen pokémon

13. A pokémon that made you think/say “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NINTENDO WHAT WERE YOU THINKING”

14. Your favorite baby pokémon

15. Your most hated pokémon to battle in-game

16. A pokémon that reminds you of someone special

17. The scariest pokémon

18. Your favorite 3rd gen pokémon

19. Your least favorite pokémon

20. Your very own fakemon (include things like type, evolution(s) and methods (if any), a movelist if you’re so inclined, maybe write up a dex entry)

21. Your favorite starters, one of each type

22. The “signature” pokémon of your favorite gym leader/Elite 4 member

23. The derpiest pokémon

24. Your favorite 4th gen pokémon

25. A pokémon that you think is overdue for an evolution

26. Your spirit pokémon. Bonus points if you make a little comic or scene or something. **if you don’t yet have a spirit pokémon, try this random pokémon generator**

27. The version mascot of your favorite game

28. The most elegant/prettiest pokémon

29. Your favorite 5th gen pokémon

30. Your ideal team of six pokémon

 

HAHAHA this is really cool. But I doubt I’ll actually do much, but we’ll find out. Just gonna keep it here for reference.